In my year and a half at SUNY Old Westbury, I have found this quote to be very true. When you hang out with people that are spiraling downward, you find yourself on the same path. But if you realize it in time, you can pull yourself away, and I'm glad that I found myself in time. I think that because I'm a sensitive person, and pathetically desperate for social interaction and attention, I was somehow attracted to domineering people who were unafraid to take control, even over me. What I started to realize was that they didn't have control over their own lives, and maybe somewhere inside they realized that, and tried to control me, or even live through me (what can I say...not to be arrogant, but I am great looking and successful). Despite the fact that I crave social interaction, lately, I've been happier being all alone, rather than being in the company of ignorance.
Just the other day, I was talking to a girl I used to be close with, and she spelled "lettuce" like "letus". I am being completely serious. That...is a problem.
Let's call this girl Lila for conversation's sake. Protect the innocent, no? Anyway, Lila. Lila and I met at my freshman orientation last fall. We instantly clicked; our crazy, outgoing personalities, and the willingness to do anything in the name of fun. We did everything together; we were always either together or in each other's rooms. However, as time went on, I started to realize that she and I were on totally different levels. The way she analyzed situations, her ignorance of the world around her, her actions, and the way she approached her schoolwork made me realize that she probably wasn't a good person for me to be hanging around.
Unfortunately, I started to realize how ridiculously clingy Lila was. I was trying to make other friends so that I could hang out with other people. If I had a friend in my room, she would call me every five minutes. If I went to lunch with someone, she would show up. She would constantly ask me why she wasn't invited. When I told her that we spent every waking moment together, and that I really wanted to broaden my social spectrum, she was very hurt, and blew it out of proportion. She began hanging out with other people she knew that I wouldn't be caught dead around (due to their drug use and habits of not going to class), thinking that she would hurt me. In turn, this gave me more reason to ignore her.
I started to realize that she had knocked out my other friends so that she would be able to hang out with me more. She would take a person I used to hang out with in the beginning of the year, and list reasons why I should not hang out with him or her. For some stupid reason, I believed what she said, and I would drift away from the person. She even did it if I had a crush on a boy, and the boy was talking to me. She would sit there, and list all these bogus reasons as to why I should not call him back or answer his e mails. Looking back on it, I find it sick, scary and disgusting. Although on some level she was right, I also regretted taking her advice.
Right now, I am finally happy. I have that leech off my back. It's important to weed out the people in your life who don't truly care about you. I don't have any close best friends on campus, but I'm fine with that. I can wait during the week until I can go home on the weekend to see my best friend that I grew up with; Miss Kathleen Nietzschmann, who I met in the 4th grade at sailing lessons. In Fact, I am seeing her on Friday, after I get my wisdom teeth out. She is going to come and be wonderful and feed me jell-o. But until then, I really don't mind being alone on campus. In fact, I'm not alone; I have found that I am not such bad company (for myself)!
Even though it may seem as though I know everyone on the SUNY Old Westbury Campus, and I get invited to go to parties and hang out, and I'm nice to everyone, I refuse to waste my time on people who waste their lives and their education. I am lucky that I have the few friends that I do, who care about me. I don't mind waiting all week to see their shining faces! I thank God for the people- and opportunities- that I have in my life.
Now, If you'll excuse me, I have a hot date. With myself. We are going to the mall and to get some Chinese food.
Love,
.:Awesome Maria:.
PS: That photo? That's Kat and I, showing the stock exchange mad love.
PPS: To the people who constantly leave me nasty comments: Jealous Much? It's okay. If I weren't me, I'd be jealous of me too ;)
