NOTE: This is a work of fiction. The characters, incidents, and dialogue are drawn from my imagination and are not to be construed as real. Any resemblance to actual events or persons is entirely coincidental.
The next day, I woke up and I felt different. It wasn’t just hungover different, it was different. I know it’s extremely dangerous to sniff coke and take shots of tequila at the same time, but the party was bumpin’ and I simply could not resist! And yes, I know it was a school night, but come on.You would have done the same thing. And when that stunning guy with the dark curls and the six pack let me take shots off his stomach, how could I say no? I am a party girl after all.
I tried to get out of bed, but It was hard. Did I gain weight? Was I retaining water? I better not be! I rolled out of bed and tried to walk. However I seemed to be waddling, the way the yuppie city women with their huge hips and high heels do on Jobs Lane in the summer. I waddled down the hall and into the living room, where we have a mirror that takes up most of a wall. To my astonishment, I had become a penguin!
I used my new beak to press the speed dial on my cellular phone. Thank god I had gotten that stud’s number last night! “Geoff!,” I exclaimed. He didn’t even give me time to speak after that.
“I’ve become a damn penguin!!!,” He shouted. We discussed for quite some time. We tried to figure out why we were penguins. “Come over!” He said. So of course I did. After all, the boy was gorgeous. He did alot of pot, but that didn’t really matter to me. He was funny and good looking. He drove a blue jeep and listened to hardcore music like the band Norma Jean. His badass image appealed to my good girl stereotype. It was he who got me into drugs and alcohol after all. Before I met Geoff, I could be found at the Nursing Home painting elderly women’s nails. Now I could be found in a black lit basement snorting lines with Geoff.
I waddled to the corner to catch the Suffolk County Bus to Hampton Bays. As a penguin, I could not drive. The bus dropped me off at Slo Jack’s where I met Geoff. We waddled to his house. We decided that as penguins, maybe we should lay low for a little while. School was definitely out of the question. I sat on the carpeted floor of Geoff’s room. He put Comedy Central on the television. We watched Dane Cook live, even though I hate Dane Cook.
My cell phone started to ring. The caller ID said “Restricted.” Oh no! Miss Lee, the attendance teacher, probably called her and asked why I wasn’t in school. I knew I was busted big time. I decided not to pick it up. She left a message. “MARIA CHRISTINA ROSE DAVILA! YOU ARE IN SO MUCH TROUBLE! YOUR GROUNDED FOR LIFE! IM TAKING YOUR PHONE AND YOUR CAR AND YOUR COMPUTER! WHERE ARE YOU!? YOU BETTER CALL ME RIGHT NOW YOUNG LADY!”.
That's when things got really crazy. Geoff’s mom came home from running errands and saw us sitting on his bedroom floor. She immediately (and wrongly) accused us of doing impure things while we should be at school. Then she realized that we were penguins. She called 911 and we were rushed to the hospital.
My mother arrived in the Emergency Room, very flustered. I was in so much trouble. Was the juice worth the squeeze? Was it worth all this trouble to be high for a couple of hours? I was in the hospital, as a penguin, with my mother very angry at me. I felt like Greggor Samsa in Metamorphosis. I was a burden to my family, and after all the trouble I had caused today, she is probably going to kill me, or put me in a zoo. I guess I can only pray for the best!
Tuesday, December 25, 2007
Shakespearian Sonnet
They were beautiful creatures, swimming in their 5-gallon tank
Like careless angels blowing star like bubbles of joy
Happily alive, and algae free, for food Maria they thank
Resting upon aquatic plant leaves, there was never a motive to destroy
But happy bubbles do not always stay afloat
A foul smell arose, and the water became murky
“Clean that dirty fish tank!” Maria’s mother left a note
Having no idea of their fate, the fish were still perky
Maria had things to do, and cleaned the tank in a hurry
She didn’t know that her haste would lead in the water being too hot
Her fish are now fit for a curry
The fact that the death was her fault left her stomach in a knot
Her mother assured her that everyone makes mistakes
And that the creatures would not be served at any neighborhood clam bakes
Like careless angels blowing star like bubbles of joy
Happily alive, and algae free, for food Maria they thank
Resting upon aquatic plant leaves, there was never a motive to destroy
But happy bubbles do not always stay afloat
A foul smell arose, and the water became murky
“Clean that dirty fish tank!” Maria’s mother left a note
Having no idea of their fate, the fish were still perky
Maria had things to do, and cleaned the tank in a hurry
She didn’t know that her haste would lead in the water being too hot
Her fish are now fit for a curry
The fact that the death was her fault left her stomach in a knot
Her mother assured her that everyone makes mistakes
And that the creatures would not be served at any neighborhood clam bakes
Sunday, December 9, 2007
A Major Change
When I first signed up for an independent study, I wasn’t planning to spend as much time on it as I had. I figured, two hours a week tops, and I would be fine. I ended up spending many hours in the library doing research, and tons of time doing actual fieldwork. From research to activism, I became very involved in the study of our environment. I hold what I learned in doing this study very close to my heart, to the point that I switched majors from Media and Communications to Political Science with a minor in Environmental Studies.
I began this study with the goal of discovering how the media effects how people treat our planet. I wanted to see how big of an impact the media had on getting people to recycle, conserve nonrenewable resources, and live a more green life. As a media major, I made a public service announcement as a class project on water conservation. I also wrote many news pieces on why citizens of the planet earth must do everything we could to improve the health of our home. However, I started to feel like this was not enough.
The media can only have as big an impact as their audience. If people are not interested in a news story, they will flip the page, change the station, or turn the radio knob. Therefore, I was only going change the views of people, rather than having a direct effect on environmental conservation; and changing people’s views would only work if they chose to listen and take what I said to heart. I came to realize that if I really wanted to make an impact, I would have to take a hands on grassroots approach. I decided to switch to a major in Political Science. Saving the world seems so much more important to me than having my own radio show or working behind the scenes in a television studio.
It seems that the only way to make Americans make small changes in their lives to better the environment is if it is by law. From doing research and grassroots projects, I have found that most people only care about saving five cents and five seconds. The average person doesn’t care about the fate of their planet. They say that it won’t affect them, and that it doesn’t matter. I’ve heard ignorance (“I love global warming, I hate the cold weather!”) and people who think that passing laws to protect the planet will cost them tax dollars.
As a political science major, I have the opportunity to make change by being a lobbyist, activist, attorney, or even by holding a political office. Rather than talking about a revolution, I can “be the change I want to see in the world” (Gandhi). When people ask me what I want to do when I get out of school, I tell them that I want to save the world. The knowledge I acquired through doing this study is just the tip of the iceberg that will allow me to do that.
I'm currently working on a report of my findings over the past semester. There’s so much more that I want to know, and so much more that I am curious about. However, there is only so much you can do in four months! The report is essentially what I have done, and I’m very proud of it. It has seriously opened my eyes and my heart to what needs to be done and what I am capable of doing. Hopefully, the average person will realize what I have, and see that it’s time to save the one thing that they depend on for life.
I began this study with the goal of discovering how the media effects how people treat our planet. I wanted to see how big of an impact the media had on getting people to recycle, conserve nonrenewable resources, and live a more green life. As a media major, I made a public service announcement as a class project on water conservation. I also wrote many news pieces on why citizens of the planet earth must do everything we could to improve the health of our home. However, I started to feel like this was not enough.
The media can only have as big an impact as their audience. If people are not interested in a news story, they will flip the page, change the station, or turn the radio knob. Therefore, I was only going change the views of people, rather than having a direct effect on environmental conservation; and changing people’s views would only work if they chose to listen and take what I said to heart. I came to realize that if I really wanted to make an impact, I would have to take a hands on grassroots approach. I decided to switch to a major in Political Science. Saving the world seems so much more important to me than having my own radio show or working behind the scenes in a television studio.
It seems that the only way to make Americans make small changes in their lives to better the environment is if it is by law. From doing research and grassroots projects, I have found that most people only care about saving five cents and five seconds. The average person doesn’t care about the fate of their planet. They say that it won’t affect them, and that it doesn’t matter. I’ve heard ignorance (“I love global warming, I hate the cold weather!”) and people who think that passing laws to protect the planet will cost them tax dollars.
As a political science major, I have the opportunity to make change by being a lobbyist, activist, attorney, or even by holding a political office. Rather than talking about a revolution, I can “be the change I want to see in the world” (Gandhi). When people ask me what I want to do when I get out of school, I tell them that I want to save the world. The knowledge I acquired through doing this study is just the tip of the iceberg that will allow me to do that.
I'm currently working on a report of my findings over the past semester. There’s so much more that I want to know, and so much more that I am curious about. However, there is only so much you can do in four months! The report is essentially what I have done, and I’m very proud of it. It has seriously opened my eyes and my heart to what needs to be done and what I am capable of doing. Hopefully, the average person will realize what I have, and see that it’s time to save the one thing that they depend on for life.
Friday, November 23, 2007
Christian Compassion?
From 5 PM to 9 PM, every Saturday night from November to April, for the past two years, I have done the same thing. However, it looks like I will now have to find something else to do.
Maureen's Haven is a homeless outreach program on the East End of Long Island. There are 12 churches, and every night, a different church takes in a group of about 30 homeless people. Our church's night was Saturday. We would open the rec room in the basement for them, where we would have air mattresses set up with warm blankets and pillows where they could sleep, snacks laid out, and a movie for them to watch. We even had Alcoholics Anonymous meetings, counseling, and English classes. We would provide them with a warm, delicious meal, and a bathroom for them to clean up in. It was a great program; they would be off the streets, in the warmth, and somewhat bettering their lives, while meeting people going through situations similar to their own.
Unfortunately, the program has been closed down this year. Why?
The First Presbyterian Church, located in Southampton, New York, is home to not only Maureen’s Haven, but also the Southampton School District's preschool program. I guess having to do with all the attention MRSA has been receiving from the media..."Church officials closed down the outreach program after a group of parents whose children are enrolled in a preschool program at the church complained that the homeless who share the space on weekends could be carrying communicable diseases or dangerous objects that would jeopardize the safety of their children."(Southampton Press).
Threats of lawsuits and negative media attention led to the church's decision to dismantle the program.
Parents have the concerns of the cleanliness of the church after the homeless people have left on Sunday morning. As a volunteer of Maureen's Haven, I have seen first hand that the facilities are thoroughly cleaned and sanitized after use. We wash the sheets every time they are used, clean the bathrooms, make sure the kitchen is spotless, etc. If one didn't know that a homeless program went on the night before, they wouldn't be able to tell by looking!
As for the concern of unsafe objects, I personally was in charge of checking through the homeless people's "hygiene boxes" to make sure that they were not storing knives, lighters, or even matches in their boxes, which are unsafe. I was even supposed to report if they had dice or some other sort of gambling or "street" paraphernalia in there. Before entering the church, the homeless people had to take a Breathalyzer test to make sure that they were not under the influence, and they had their person checked by a Southampton Town Police Officer to make sure that they had no narcotics or any other dangerous items on them.
Myself, my friends who volunteer along with me, and others who are involved in the program are very upset over this occurrence. My mom is writing a letter to the editor of the Southampton Press to show her support. There is confidence that the program will be reinstated; who is the preschool to kick another program out of the church? Which leads me to another question; why is a state program using a church facility? What happened to separation of church and state?
According to the Southampton Press, "The school does not have an exclusive lease on the church space and cannot regulate what other programs are held in the space."
In my opinion, today's parents need to stop worrying so much about their children. I think that there is an over concern nowadays about what's healthy and what isn’t, what's good for kids and what isn't. Did you hear about that whole thing with Sesame Street? That they are trying to get rid of Cookie Monster due to the rise in Childhood Obesity? Wow. My generation isn't fat. What's wrong with yours? We were just fine. America's children nowadays are too babied and sensitive.
Hopefully the parents will see the goodness of the program, and get over their irrational fears.
.:Awesome Maria:.
Monday, October 22, 2007
Wasted Friendships
In my year and a half at SUNY Old Westbury, I have found this quote to be very true. When you hang out with people that are spiraling downward, you find yourself on the same path. But if you realize it in time, you can pull yourself away, and I'm glad that I found myself in time. I think that because I'm a sensitive person, and pathetically desperate for social interaction and attention, I was somehow attracted to domineering people who were unafraid to take control, even over me. What I started to realize was that they didn't have control over their own lives, and maybe somewhere inside they realized that, and tried to control me, or even live through me (what can I say...not to be arrogant, but I am great looking and successful). Despite the fact that I crave social interaction, lately, I've been happier being all alone, rather than being in the company of ignorance.
Just the other day, I was talking to a girl I used to be close with, and she spelled "lettuce" like "letus". I am being completely serious. That...is a problem.
Let's call this girl Lila for conversation's sake. Protect the innocent, no? Anyway, Lila. Lila and I met at my freshman orientation last fall. We instantly clicked; our crazy, outgoing personalities, and the willingness to do anything in the name of fun. We did everything together; we were always either together or in each other's rooms. However, as time went on, I started to realize that she and I were on totally different levels. The way she analyzed situations, her ignorance of the world around her, her actions, and the way she approached her schoolwork made me realize that she probably wasn't a good person for me to be hanging around.
Unfortunately, I started to realize how ridiculously clingy Lila was. I was trying to make other friends so that I could hang out with other people. If I had a friend in my room, she would call me every five minutes. If I went to lunch with someone, she would show up. She would constantly ask me why she wasn't invited. When I told her that we spent every waking moment together, and that I really wanted to broaden my social spectrum, she was very hurt, and blew it out of proportion. She began hanging out with other people she knew that I wouldn't be caught dead around (due to their drug use and habits of not going to class), thinking that she would hurt me. In turn, this gave me more reason to ignore her.
I started to realize that she had knocked out my other friends so that she would be able to hang out with me more. She would take a person I used to hang out with in the beginning of the year, and list reasons why I should not hang out with him or her. For some stupid reason, I believed what she said, and I would drift away from the person. She even did it if I had a crush on a boy, and the boy was talking to me. She would sit there, and list all these bogus reasons as to why I should not call him back or answer his e mails. Looking back on it, I find it sick, scary and disgusting. Although on some level she was right, I also regretted taking her advice.
Right now, I am finally happy. I have that leech off my back. It's important to weed out the people in your life who don't truly care about you. I don't have any close best friends on campus, but I'm fine with that. I can wait during the week until I can go home on the weekend to see my best friend that I grew up with; Miss Kathleen Nietzschmann, who I met in the 4th grade at sailing lessons. In Fact, I am seeing her on Friday, after I get my wisdom teeth out. She is going to come and be wonderful and feed me jell-o. But until then, I really don't mind being alone on campus. In fact, I'm not alone; I have found that I am not such bad company (for myself)!
Even though it may seem as though I know everyone on the SUNY Old Westbury Campus, and I get invited to go to parties and hang out, and I'm nice to everyone, I refuse to waste my time on people who waste their lives and their education. I am lucky that I have the few friends that I do, who care about me. I don't mind waiting all week to see their shining faces! I thank God for the people- and opportunities- that I have in my life.
Now, If you'll excuse me, I have a hot date. With myself. We are going to the mall and to get some Chinese food.
Love,
.:Awesome Maria:.
PS: That photo? That's Kat and I, showing the stock exchange mad love.
PPS: To the people who constantly leave me nasty comments: Jealous Much? It's okay. If I weren't me, I'd be jealous of me too ;)
Sunday, September 30, 2007
How to be Awesome
I constantly get asked the same question; "Maria, what exactly makes you so awesome?". With the help of Paris Hilton's "Confessions of an Heiress", as well as discussions with my mother and some deep soul searching, I finally came up with an answer. Here goes!
1) Be brunette, but act blond. The thing about brunettes is that we can be very intelligent when we need to; we know our way around the world, and we're down with doing research when we're curious about something. However, at the same time, we can be all cutesy and helpless when we need to in order to get our way or get out of doing things we don't want to do. Your intelligence will shine through and make you more hot in the end though, so don't worry about pretending to not know how to operate a leaf blower to get out of helping your parents with yard work. Just make sure that you get good grades and impress people with your random facts about sustainability in the environment. Paris Hilton said it best; nowadays, a girl who knows what she's doing and has a career makes her package a whole lot more attractive!
2) When you wear makeup, people shouldn't know you're wearing it. You have to be good enough at it that you look flawless so your natural beauty shines through. People think I don't wear makeup, and that I'm just naturally gorgeous. Well, I am, but you know, everyone needs a little help here and there. Never ever ever put eyeliner under your eye, at least not more than halfway, or wear mascara. That's so desperate. You might as well just cake on orange self tanner and wear a T shirt that says, "Desperate". Have some confidence, girl; you don't need all that warpaint!
3. Don't follow fashion rules down to the core. Get a few cute things that are trendy, but make them your own. I think that anything goes; there's no such thing as a fashion do or don't. If you look cute, you look cute! I once had a gay man at Bumble and Bumble hair salon in NYC say to me, "Sweetie, you look so supercute but lose that headband!". Well guess what; I don't care if headbands are out; I love them. Don't care what other people think, and never, ever try to fit a certain trend set (punk, prep, sporty, etc...). Do your thing. Make sure that it's always flattering and cute. Sweats are cute! I go to the radio station Fridays in my PJ's. But who am I kidding? We always look cute, we're girls. Guys love us no matter what we wear. Don't dress supersexy if you're trying to impress a boy; it's desperate. They like it when we look laid back rather than uncomfortable. Trust me.
4. Have as much fun as possible, especially on Thursday nights. Be a crazy nutball, and don't care if other people are going to think you're on drugs although you are completely sober. They're jealous because you look hot and all eyes are on you, and they're not confident enough to break out of their shell and have a great time. Walk in like you know everybody there. Remember, if you feel super confident, it'll shine right through, and everyone will think you're hot. Don't get drunk. Being sloppy is NOT cute, and neither is waking up next to a guy whose name you can't remember. Instead, drink an energy drink or something so you have more energy to dance. Besides, it's funnier to watch the sloppy people, and you won't mess up your hair.
5) Don't let any gross guys try to take advantage of you; ew. Not even if he's really hot. Nobody wants a reputation or needs what he's trying to give you. It's fun to flirt and get attention and play with guys, but don't let it get too far. Never go into a guy's room that you don't know really really well. I once walked a drunk guy back to his room to make sure nothing bad happened to him, and he told me that walking him back to his room meant he had a free coupon to make out with me! Gross. Unless we're dating, I definitely want nothing to do with your spit! Anyway, have fun, but don't seem desperate. Be careful, but Flirt flirt flirt! My mom always tells me; guys are an extracurricular activity. Have fun with it, but don't take it too seriously. You're young!
6) Have a best friend. It's better if she's a girl, one that is a crazy nutjob just like you that you can have a ton of fun with and bring anywhere. Share the attention with her; be her wingwoman from time to time. Be with her all the time; make people think you're a package deal. Have thousands of inside jokes, know everything about each other, and be there for each other at 4 am when you guys are upset. Better yet, stay up till 6 am, go to Gabby's Deli on 107, get breakfast, and then fall asleep feeling much better. They should see one of you girls and automatically think of the other one. She has to look hot. Your girls are the most important people in your life; "Hold on to your friends, cuz you know that's all you've got in the end and you can't run away without a team to back you!".
7) Have things you always say. "That's Hot!", "Loves It", "OD"!, "Ugh...", "peace gorgeous", "Awesome!", "YOU JERK!". People will pick up on it, and learn your language in order to more effectively communicate with you. Hot.
8) If you just plain don't want to deal with people, go incognito. Put your hood on your head and put on your oversize sunglasses. Walk with your shoulder angled at the wall as you pass people by. This is good for walks of shame (which Awesome Maria never does!), taking public transportation, or if you're just having an off day but you need to go to the Caf to eat. Make sure you have a on lip gloss at all times. Preferably pink, any berry flavor.
9) Having dimples lets you get away with lots more than girls who don't have them can get away with. One will do, but having them on both sides is key. Practice poses that look good. If you see a cute guy, practice being his boyfriend. Make him stop in the hallway, and do various poses around him. Have your best friend determine how you look together. Bid him a good day and move along.
10) Do charity work. Work for a local homeless shelter, nonprofits, and save the planet. Recycling is very very important. Collect your carbonated beverage containers and get your Five Cents back. Use those envirofriendly light bulbs, and turn the lights and TV off when you leave a room. Start a recycling campaign in your school. Drag the man in charge of the Student Union around the building with you at 10 o clock at night and make sure he turns out all the lights in the multipurpose rooms. Loves it.
11) Never talk about money. It's nobody's business's, and it's boring. There's plenty more important things to talk about. Talk about serious intellectual stuff, but not too long. Just long enough so people take your seriously and see your brain. Then go back to being cute.
12) Don't be too dumb. Otherwise, people will start to think you actually ARE dumb. Just enough to be flirty, get out of things, and get your way. People always fawn over girls who seem helpless. Human Nature, isn't it hot? Make sure to get at least a 3.5 GPA. It's cool to be smart. Velma from Scooby Doo was a hottie in the live action film. Study! Just make sure you get out there and party, too.
13) Haters are usually hating because their jealous. Jealous people stink. Let them get over themselves, and ignore it. If someone's mean to you, it's because they're jealous. Duh. Just put on those hater blocker shades and move on. If a girl calls you a loser because you don't go to the club on Thursday Nights and dance with random guys you've never met before, and gets drunk underage and in public, that makes her the loser. Ask her to produce her resume. Does she have an internship with the Maury Povich Show on it? Is she going anywhere with her life? Who's the looser now?
14) Most importantly, be in love with yourself. Remember that you are a strong and powerful woman, unique, and absolutely gorgeous. No one can mess with you. You're kind of a big deal. Put yourself first, and do what makes you happy. Don't worry about what other people want from you. Worry about what you want from yourself. Listen to what people ask of you or whatever directions they give you, then do what you want your own way.
Peace, Gorgeouses!!!
.:Awesome Maria:.
1) Be brunette, but act blond. The thing about brunettes is that we can be very intelligent when we need to; we know our way around the world, and we're down with doing research when we're curious about something. However, at the same time, we can be all cutesy and helpless when we need to in order to get our way or get out of doing things we don't want to do. Your intelligence will shine through and make you more hot in the end though, so don't worry about pretending to not know how to operate a leaf blower to get out of helping your parents with yard work. Just make sure that you get good grades and impress people with your random facts about sustainability in the environment. Paris Hilton said it best; nowadays, a girl who knows what she's doing and has a career makes her package a whole lot more attractive!
2) When you wear makeup, people shouldn't know you're wearing it. You have to be good enough at it that you look flawless so your natural beauty shines through. People think I don't wear makeup, and that I'm just naturally gorgeous. Well, I am, but you know, everyone needs a little help here and there. Never ever ever put eyeliner under your eye, at least not more than halfway, or wear mascara. That's so desperate. You might as well just cake on orange self tanner and wear a T shirt that says, "Desperate". Have some confidence, girl; you don't need all that warpaint!
3. Don't follow fashion rules down to the core. Get a few cute things that are trendy, but make them your own. I think that anything goes; there's no such thing as a fashion do or don't. If you look cute, you look cute! I once had a gay man at Bumble and Bumble hair salon in NYC say to me, "Sweetie, you look so supercute but lose that headband!". Well guess what; I don't care if headbands are out; I love them. Don't care what other people think, and never, ever try to fit a certain trend set (punk, prep, sporty, etc...). Do your thing. Make sure that it's always flattering and cute. Sweats are cute! I go to the radio station Fridays in my PJ's. But who am I kidding? We always look cute, we're girls. Guys love us no matter what we wear. Don't dress supersexy if you're trying to impress a boy; it's desperate. They like it when we look laid back rather than uncomfortable. Trust me.
4. Have as much fun as possible, especially on Thursday nights. Be a crazy nutball, and don't care if other people are going to think you're on drugs although you are completely sober. They're jealous because you look hot and all eyes are on you, and they're not confident enough to break out of their shell and have a great time. Walk in like you know everybody there. Remember, if you feel super confident, it'll shine right through, and everyone will think you're hot. Don't get drunk. Being sloppy is NOT cute, and neither is waking up next to a guy whose name you can't remember. Instead, drink an energy drink or something so you have more energy to dance. Besides, it's funnier to watch the sloppy people, and you won't mess up your hair.
5) Don't let any gross guys try to take advantage of you; ew. Not even if he's really hot. Nobody wants a reputation or needs what he's trying to give you. It's fun to flirt and get attention and play with guys, but don't let it get too far. Never go into a guy's room that you don't know really really well. I once walked a drunk guy back to his room to make sure nothing bad happened to him, and he told me that walking him back to his room meant he had a free coupon to make out with me! Gross. Unless we're dating, I definitely want nothing to do with your spit! Anyway, have fun, but don't seem desperate. Be careful, but Flirt flirt flirt! My mom always tells me; guys are an extracurricular activity. Have fun with it, but don't take it too seriously. You're young!
6) Have a best friend. It's better if she's a girl, one that is a crazy nutjob just like you that you can have a ton of fun with and bring anywhere. Share the attention with her; be her wingwoman from time to time. Be with her all the time; make people think you're a package deal. Have thousands of inside jokes, know everything about each other, and be there for each other at 4 am when you guys are upset. Better yet, stay up till 6 am, go to Gabby's Deli on 107, get breakfast, and then fall asleep feeling much better. They should see one of you girls and automatically think of the other one. She has to look hot. Your girls are the most important people in your life; "Hold on to your friends, cuz you know that's all you've got in the end and you can't run away without a team to back you!".
7) Have things you always say. "That's Hot!", "Loves It", "OD"!, "Ugh...", "peace gorgeous", "Awesome!", "YOU JERK!". People will pick up on it, and learn your language in order to more effectively communicate with you. Hot.
8) If you just plain don't want to deal with people, go incognito. Put your hood on your head and put on your oversize sunglasses. Walk with your shoulder angled at the wall as you pass people by. This is good for walks of shame (which Awesome Maria never does!), taking public transportation, or if you're just having an off day but you need to go to the Caf to eat. Make sure you have a on lip gloss at all times. Preferably pink, any berry flavor.
9) Having dimples lets you get away with lots more than girls who don't have them can get away with. One will do, but having them on both sides is key. Practice poses that look good. If you see a cute guy, practice being his boyfriend. Make him stop in the hallway, and do various poses around him. Have your best friend determine how you look together. Bid him a good day and move along.
10) Do charity work. Work for a local homeless shelter, nonprofits, and save the planet. Recycling is very very important. Collect your carbonated beverage containers and get your Five Cents back. Use those envirofriendly light bulbs, and turn the lights and TV off when you leave a room. Start a recycling campaign in your school. Drag the man in charge of the Student Union around the building with you at 10 o clock at night and make sure he turns out all the lights in the multipurpose rooms. Loves it.
11) Never talk about money. It's nobody's business's, and it's boring. There's plenty more important things to talk about. Talk about serious intellectual stuff, but not too long. Just long enough so people take your seriously and see your brain. Then go back to being cute.
12) Don't be too dumb. Otherwise, people will start to think you actually ARE dumb. Just enough to be flirty, get out of things, and get your way. People always fawn over girls who seem helpless. Human Nature, isn't it hot? Make sure to get at least a 3.5 GPA. It's cool to be smart. Velma from Scooby Doo was a hottie in the live action film. Study! Just make sure you get out there and party, too.
13) Haters are usually hating because their jealous. Jealous people stink. Let them get over themselves, and ignore it. If someone's mean to you, it's because they're jealous. Duh. Just put on those hater blocker shades and move on. If a girl calls you a loser because you don't go to the club on Thursday Nights and dance with random guys you've never met before, and gets drunk underage and in public, that makes her the loser. Ask her to produce her resume. Does she have an internship with the Maury Povich Show on it? Is she going anywhere with her life? Who's the looser now?
14) Most importantly, be in love with yourself. Remember that you are a strong and powerful woman, unique, and absolutely gorgeous. No one can mess with you. You're kind of a big deal. Put yourself first, and do what makes you happy. Don't worry about what other people want from you. Worry about what you want from yourself. Listen to what people ask of you or whatever directions they give you, then do what you want your own way.
Peace, Gorgeouses!!!
.:Awesome Maria:.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
